Putting it All into Work

I've been through a lot in the last few years. I've dealt with several deaths, including my maternal grandmother, my maternal grandfather and my paternal great-grandmother. Then my last surviving grandparent, my paternal grandmother, was diagnosed with cancer. I was also dealing with my mother's mental illness. Trying to be the parent to your parent is very difficult. 

I put everything I had into my job. I worked constantly. I often volunteered to work late night and weekend events. I would do anything to not remind myself of what was going on at home. Because of my work schedule, my dating life and keeping in touch with friends was virtually non-existent. But it really didn't bother me, because I had something that was keeping me busy and completing projects made me feel good about myself.

However, when things started changing at work, I started getting depressed. The best supervisor I ever had left the company. My new boss didn't understand when I told her I needed to stop working overtime in order to take care of some family stuff. I wasn't asking to take half days or comp time that I had most likely earned. I was just asking to leave at 5 pm instead of staying well after 7 pm. And to cut back on weekend events so I could spend time with my grandmother whose cancer had progressed and we were told she only had six months to live.

No matter how much I had used work to escape some of the problems in my life, it was no way to deal with the problems. I learned that if you rely on something to not deal with what is really going on, that thing may break down. If that happens, it may feel as if your whole world is breaking down. Keep balance in your life because leaning on one thing to forget about other problems will make you fall down.

We Have a Facebook Page?

There are several companies, organizations and even people that may not know they have a Facebook or Twitter account. For those that are aware of social media being done on their behalf, do you really know who is controlling the page and what they are saying to your customers?

I believe that social media pages can be a good way to get to know your customers, raise brand awareness and increase sales. However be sure to follow these rules when creating any social media account (Facebook, Twitter, MySpace, etc.):

What Happened to Courting?

Back in the day, my great-grandmother talked to me about how my grandfather courted her. He picked her up from her home. Spoke with her parents. Brought flowers or other gifts. They sat in the parlor and talked for hours.

Most men nowadays don’t even bother. Many think a horn honk outside is just as good as coming to the door. Men barely give gifts, unless it’s a special occasion, and that’s usually only if you have been dating a while. I know some guys that break up around Thanksgiving, just to get back together after New Year’s so they don’t have to buy holiday gifts.

But I wonder why men changed? Was it the technology? Did the telephone, movies and television make one-on-one conversations unnecessary. What about the feminist movement? Women trying to be equal to men and saying they can open their own doors, pay for their own meals. Did we make men feel like we didn’t need them?

I want a guy that opens doors for me, calls me just to say “I’m thinking about you”, and brings me flowers just because. Though I like a guy that asks where or what I want to do, I also want a guy to make some decisions. Don’t always ask me, you choose something. Show me what you like to do. Don’t ask me out and then expect me to call you on the night of the date. And be considerate. I’m tired of guys that want to take you out after 10 p.m. I think a guy is only thinking of one thing at that time of night.

So can anyone tell me where the men are that still act like gentlemen? And preferably men in my age bracket.

Daddy Issues

I’ll be 30 soon and already feel much older. I’ve usually dated older men, usually because I have more in common with them. The most I’ve gone dating a guy that was 14 years my senior (see My First Online Relationship for details). So I already know what it’s like. What I can’t understand about online dating is all the guys that are 45 and older asking me to go out.

I actually plainly stated on my profile that I wasn’t looking for anyone over 39. Since I know I want a family one day, I don’t really want to waste my time on older guys that have kids my age. I’ve had guys 50 plus asking me out. Sorry, but that is older than my dad! My dad and I are really close and I have no daddy issues.

So I’ve taken the route of not even answering these guys. I don’t feel that I’m being rude, because it’s clearly stated on my profile. I’d prefer to meet a guy my age. But there honestly doesn’t seem to be that many good ones out there that are single, have a job and straight. Doesn’t seem like my standards are that high!

My First Online Relationship

I’ve done the online dating thing before. In fact, years ago before it was very popular. I found it was a great way to weed out some of the guys. A way to get to know someone before you actually went out (cause blind dates suck!). I actually find a really nice guy and we dated for a few years.

Though me and this person had a lot in common, he was several years older than me. Fourteen to be exact, but I think of myself as an old soul. We had fun going out and even staying at home. But as the years passed, it was time to think about where the relationship was headed.

Being older than me, he had already lived a full life, I was just 22 when we met. But often that was what I liked about him. He understood me starting a career, trying to buy a house and a lot of other things that guys my age weren’t doing. He was very encouraging. But after four years I wondered where we were headed.

I soon began to realize it would go nowhere. He had already been married and had children in high school. And made it very clear that he didn’t want anymore children when he had a vasectomy. So even though I cared about this guy a lot, I realized that it would not be the future that I imagined. The wedding, children, family vacations would all be things I would never get from him.

So after tons of talking, we ended things. We’re still friends, but realized that we were in two different places in our lives.  So now I am out there online dating once again. Hoping to find a guy that shares my values and wants the things that I want.

Only an Expert on Me

So as a person that creates social media campaigns for other people and businesses, I know I need to create a strategic plan for myself. I’ve seen Hajj Flemings speak several times about “personal branding”. Other conferences have said that you should use your blog and Twitter to express on what subject matter you are an expert. Well I honestly don’t have much that I think people would have an interest.

I could talk about work, but honestly talking about news trends, social media and healthcare isn’t that fun when you do it all day. Besides there are people much more versed in these subjects than me.

I love social media, but I can’t tell anyone on Twitter how to make their tweets more effective. The people that I follow are already great (so check out some of the people I follow).

So on what subjects am I an expert? I sometimes ask myself that question everyday. But these are the things that I have concluded I know most about:

• Single and almost 30
• Living in Detroit
• Looking for a new job in this economy
• Media: I love TV, movies, music, reading and the internet

So here’s my life, love it or hate it, I have to live it.

The Weight of it All

It’s much easier to gain weight than to lose it. Over the last six years I’ve gained a lot of weight. It was so gradual, I barely noticed. Until each time I went shopping I was buying a bigger size. At first I blamed clothing manufacturers, saying they must be shrinking the sizes.

In five years I went from a size 8 to a 14/16. I could no longer blame the clothes, it was all my fault. I was no longer hitting the gym. I had a job, that when I wasn’t chained to my desk, I was eating unhealthy foods at an event, or leaving work late and just grabbing fast food (oh, the joys of working in PR).

If my lack of exercise and diet wasn’t getting the best of me, I found out some health problems were adding to my weight as well. I have an under active thyroid that slows down metabolism. I made it even worse by only eating once or twice a day. I am also on the birth control shot which is proven to make you gain weight.
So finally, I’m getting my act together and working on getting back in shape. And not because I want to look good, but for my health. Being overweight makes you more at risk for diabetes, stroke, heart attacks and many other things. Plus I don’t have the energy that I used to have.

I really can’t afford a gym right now (and know I won’t go if I have a membership), but its not stopping me. I go for a run or walk every morning. And if weather is bad I go to the mall to walk with the seniors. I’m using my exercise ball, hand weights and resistance bands to tone up as well. Do an internet search, you can find a lot of at home exercises to do. Here’s my favorite core exercises for the fitness ball.

I’m also changing my eating habits. I’m not dieting because that doesn’t last. Its about making lifetime changes. Also not depriving my self of some of my favorites like ice cream, but eating in moderation. Thanks Edy’s for the single serve, low fat ice cream cups, now I don’t have a half gallon sitting in the freezer and trying to eat it all before it gets freezer burned.

I’m realistic and know that the weight won’t come off as quickly as I gained it, unless you’re on the Biggest Loser. But by the end of the year, I will be healthier. And one day I’ll be back to a size 8 or less. I just have to keep it going, no matter what.

False Positives

The last couple years have hit me pretty hard with deaths in my family. I had never really thought about death. It seemed like everyone in my family lived a long life. My great-great grandmother died at 93, when I was five years old. My great grandmother passed at 72 when I was ten. Her death was hard, as that was where I spent a lot of time as a child. My mom worked and went to school, so it was often me and her after school and during the summer. She called me her “Angel”, a name my great grandfather had given me. But I was still young, so it seemed like I bounced back from her death some what quickly.

In 2007, when my maternal Grandmother Viola went into the hospital, I didn’t think it was nothing but routine. She has some problems breathing, and thought it may be pneumonia. Less than a week later she has passed. Turns out she had lung disease for quite a while and didn’t tell anyone. She never really shared any of her health problems with anyone in the family. Her death was very hard, as she became one the closest persons to me.

My paternal grandmother (Grandma Linda) attended the funeral. I expressed to her some of the difficulties we had with her death. How she didn’t leave a will, anything that expressed her wishes or even a life insurance policy. So the burden of the funeral fell on the family. Shortly after Grandma Linda told all of her kids where her paperwork was kept and what her wishes were.
Then in February of 2009 my paternal great grandmother, Louise, passed at age 90. It was tough on us, but in a way we were prepared. She had gotten lung cancer, but told us that she had lived a long peaceful life and signed a DNR in case something happened. That she was ready to leave us and be with her husband that had died in 1959.

Around the time grandma Louise was deteriorating, Grandma Linda got thyroid cancer. But she remained positive. She went through chemo and we thought it was going to be okay. After Grandma Louise’s funeral, we found out that Grandma Linda’s cancer had spread to her esophagus. But she still remained positive.
She went to two different doctors and tried to treat it aggressively. Taking hard tolls on her body and emotions. She even had surgery to try to remove some of the cancerous cells. A couple months ago she went for a PET scan to see how the cancer was doing. The radiologist told her that she would not live to see her next birthday.

In order to keep morale up in the family, she never told us. We thought she was going to be fine, once she had another round of chemo. When she went to see her doctor to get her treatment plan, he looked at the scans and said, “you don’t need chemo”. She got worried thinking that nothing would now stop the cancer and she may go quicker than expected.

“Your cancer seems to be in remission,” the doctor told her. “The radiologist had read the scans wrong.”

When Grandma Linda got this good news, she finally told us what she had been going through for the last few months. But said that she had always remained positive that in life or in death, that we would love and cherish every moment that we had had with her. She didn’t tell us, because she didn’t want to see the sadness on our faces. She wanted to live each day like it wasn’t her last. That life would still go on. And thankfully for now,  it will.

I'm Clicking off ClickonDetroit.com

I consider myself a news junkie. I am constantly looking at different news sites and getting RSS feeds to my computer and phone for recent updates. I even still read the newspaper. I love the feel of paper in my hands, the ink turning my hands black and the detail they can put into print, that often doesn't make it to TV or web.

However, one news site has been angering me for a very long time. I like to stay current on local news, so I often turn to the Detroit ABC, Fox and NBC affiliates. I also go to their websites for breaking news. But some of the comments that are placed on the NBC (www.ClickOnDetroit.com) website truly angers me.

Many people already know that Metro-Detroit is one of the most segregated areas in the country. But by reading the posts, I often see nothing but racism and hatred. Though these type of comments are often left on other sites, only ClickOnDetroit.com puts them right under the story. Most other news affiliates, print and television, makes you click on a link to see the comments, so they can easily be avoided, if you choose not read that type of stuff. Also their moderators seem to be better about controlling negative comments.

It is hard however to avoid the clickondetroit comments, as you have to scroll past them to get to links of other stories at the bottom of the page. I've seen blacks referred to as monkeys, maggots and any other derogatory thing they can say. They talk about how terrible the city is and how "it should just be burned down with the people in it." (Actual quote!)

This comment has been posted over 16 hours already about two men that actually surrendered themselves to the police after being suspected of a crime.

Momma and "daddy suspect" #1 have convinced dey baby to turn hizself in, and now he's in jail. It will be a negro homecoming turned family reunion when he meets "daddy suspects" #3, 4, and 5 in the prison yard.

A couple of months ago I sent an email to the web staff at clickondetroit. I heard nothing back. I let a few weeks go by and sent emails to every other person and reporter that I could on their site. Devin Scillian (one of their busiest reporters, and one of my favorites) was the only one that responded. He said that he also felt that many of the comments were offensive and that he would share my comments with higher level management.

Since then I haven't heard anything back. But the more I looked at the site, I realized that most of the comments are made from some of the same people. I myself have reported many of their comments. And sometimes the comments are removed. What upsets me however, is that the website is not doing anything to prevent these posters. I figured that they may get blocked and perhaps create new profiles. But the most offensive offenders have over 3,000 comments. It seems as if they are never being blocked.

So now I am officially clicking of ClickOnDetroit. I believe that they are giving these racist people a forum for the public to see these terrible comments. The web staff is doing nothing to stop them and keeping them on the main page of the story for everyone to see. What is worse, is people see the ignorance that Metro-Detroit still has when we are linked to national news sites, or listed in Yahoo or Google news. Even other NBC affiliate sites don't allow comments right on the story page.

Apartment Living

I've lived in my apartment for almost three years. And have been having several problems with my neighbor. He mainly just does the weirdest things.

• He likes to keep his door open, with a fan in the doorway to blow the hot air from the hall into his apartment (but doesn't this make the air cool?).
• He smokes in the hallway
• Keeps flammable things in the basement, which is only under my apartment
• Stands on the porch at all times of night, creeping me out after a night on the town
• He was actually using an electric saw in the basement a couple weeks ago, what do you need to saw in an apartment?
• He gets pots of hot water from the utility sink in the basement
• He picks through garbage around town, so brings home the weirdest things. And one time mice!

I had complained, in person, to management several times, but nothing really seemed to be done. New management came in a few months ago and told them about the problems. They spoke to him and it stopped for a little while, but it started back up again.

Yesterday I wrote an email to management and the parent company that owns the complex. I once again listed my grievances and also the fire hazards he was creating. I told them I would leave at the end of my lease if something was not done. By 8:30 am the next morning they were speaking to him. They called to give me an update. However, that same afternoon, I walk in to see his dirty, smoke smelling apartment door open and fan on. I sent another email right away.

Within 15 minutes I could hear management talking to him and saying he was going to be evicted if they received one more complaint. All of his stuff also needed to be removed from the basement and he needed to keep his apartment door closed.

I'm just glad I brought this to their attention and didn't give up. Only because I was this close to moving out of this place, and I really like my apartment. I finally got all my pictures hung and would hate to move now.

Why Don't We Talk About Mental Illness?

Mental illness affects so many people, and usually with varying degrees. Sure everyone has heard of schizophrenia, bipolar disorder or depression. But mental illness also includes substance abuse, dementia, autism, ADHD and many others.

Nearly everyone has had a family member or friend that has suffered from one of these disorders. However, we always seem embarrassed to talk about it. I think the lack of talking about some of the disorders leads people to be undiagnosed or their problems ignored.

There are many places to find help or support groups for mental illnesses. There are groups that are for both the consumers and caregivers. My advice is to not be afraid to talk about some of these diseases. Often friends or family members do not recognize some of the symptoms unless you tell them about your experiences. And I’ve found this true for bipolar disorder, autism and depression.

In 2010, let’s not be afraid of mental illnesses, they affect 1 in 3 people. Nearly 33% of people have or have had experienced a mental illness. Our dysfunctional mental illness system is the reason that there are so many homeless and jails are over crowded.

One site I’ve found helpful is www.NAMI.org. National Alliance on Mental Illness.

There is information on just about every type of mental health problem, resources for your state, and online support groups for consumers, caregivers and others. I encourage anyone to go to the site just to learn about how mental illness affects the whole community.