What Happened to Courting?

Back in the day, my great-grandmother talked to me about how my grandfather courted her. He picked her up from her home. Spoke with her parents. Brought flowers or other gifts. They sat in the parlor and talked for hours.

Most men nowadays don’t even bother. Many think a horn honk outside is just as good as coming to the door. Men barely give gifts, unless it’s a special occasion, and that’s usually only if you have been dating a while. I know some guys that break up around Thanksgiving, just to get back together after New Year’s so they don’t have to buy holiday gifts.

But I wonder why men changed? Was it the technology? Did the telephone, movies and television make one-on-one conversations unnecessary. What about the feminist movement? Women trying to be equal to men and saying they can open their own doors, pay for their own meals. Did we make men feel like we didn’t need them?

I want a guy that opens doors for me, calls me just to say “I’m thinking about you”, and brings me flowers just because. Though I like a guy that asks where or what I want to do, I also want a guy to make some decisions. Don’t always ask me, you choose something. Show me what you like to do. Don’t ask me out and then expect me to call you on the night of the date. And be considerate. I’m tired of guys that want to take you out after 10 p.m. I think a guy is only thinking of one thing at that time of night.

So can anyone tell me where the men are that still act like gentlemen? And preferably men in my age bracket.

Daddy Issues

I’ll be 30 soon and already feel much older. I’ve usually dated older men, usually because I have more in common with them. The most I’ve gone dating a guy that was 14 years my senior (see My First Online Relationship for details). So I already know what it’s like. What I can’t understand about online dating is all the guys that are 45 and older asking me to go out.

I actually plainly stated on my profile that I wasn’t looking for anyone over 39. Since I know I want a family one day, I don’t really want to waste my time on older guys that have kids my age. I’ve had guys 50 plus asking me out. Sorry, but that is older than my dad! My dad and I are really close and I have no daddy issues.

So I’ve taken the route of not even answering these guys. I don’t feel that I’m being rude, because it’s clearly stated on my profile. I’d prefer to meet a guy my age. But there honestly doesn’t seem to be that many good ones out there that are single, have a job and straight. Doesn’t seem like my standards are that high!

My First Online Relationship

I’ve done the online dating thing before. In fact, years ago before it was very popular. I found it was a great way to weed out some of the guys. A way to get to know someone before you actually went out (cause blind dates suck!). I actually find a really nice guy and we dated for a few years.

Though me and this person had a lot in common, he was several years older than me. Fourteen to be exact, but I think of myself as an old soul. We had fun going out and even staying at home. But as the years passed, it was time to think about where the relationship was headed.

Being older than me, he had already lived a full life, I was just 22 when we met. But often that was what I liked about him. He understood me starting a career, trying to buy a house and a lot of other things that guys my age weren’t doing. He was very encouraging. But after four years I wondered where we were headed.

I soon began to realize it would go nowhere. He had already been married and had children in high school. And made it very clear that he didn’t want anymore children when he had a vasectomy. So even though I cared about this guy a lot, I realized that it would not be the future that I imagined. The wedding, children, family vacations would all be things I would never get from him.

So after tons of talking, we ended things. We’re still friends, but realized that we were in two different places in our lives.  So now I am out there online dating once again. Hoping to find a guy that shares my values and wants the things that I want.